That's pretty much how the conversation started with my cousin.
Sooo... we're back with this fuckity-fuck crap again huh? Back to this shit? Back to small talk about drugs we love-slash-hate and about lame (totally not-fierce) hospital decor. We'll be talking about the Sox or Britney soon enough to make sure everyone else knows we can still talk bullshit, no matter what. Back to being who we were a year and two weeks ago, and who it seems we are now.
She says to me, "So, my parents just left. I am at work -- you know, pretending that everything is normal and that I didn't just get a large dose of what I like to call Hitchcock's poison into my body. I know what I will need from you, if and when the time comes and it gets harder: I need you to be you, and step into the role that we both have to play. The strong, mother to all, everything will be great role..."
Yeah, I know that role I think, just like she knows her role: the punk rock, in your face, fuck cancer girl, I am bald and beautiful girl, the one who holds your hand as much as you are holding hers, who holds it longer and tighter to make sure that you know: she's OH KAY.
We have our roles, she and me.
Together we share this (secret) comraderie to make sure things are okay for everyone else. It is not selfish. It's because we both know that when we do it -- it makes things better for her. So we'll do it again, because it works. And when the big facade fades, she always knows where to go to cry.
She is only 23 but I learn a thing or two from her.
She says, "I think we know the routine," and I answer her invisibily with a nod.
"We get thru this shit," she says.
And so we do. So we will.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
So... You Have Cancer Again
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3commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
I am finally responding to your post after months of following your blog. (reading it since I received your Christmas message). I’ve identified with so many of the things you have written about:
Home: I live down east of you (not exactly in suburbia)
Kids (I have 2- boy 9, girl 7)
This year we have been through iPod adventures, broken collar bone, organized jump roping, trip to FL, soccer, school auction, etc…
That Man (I have one of those too)
Friends (I have many near and far that I rarely see or talk to)
Sister (I have one that lives across the country whom I talk to almost daily)
I have wanted to respond many times but didn’t get around to it (work full-time as a teacher, taking graduate classes, trying to train for a triathlon, kids, the list of excuses goes on for a mile). When I read your post about you cousin, I knew now was the time to respond. My younger sister is a cancer survivor 2 Xs now (breast and thyroid). I am very familiar with the making sure “everything is going to be alright” role and she the f--- cancer girl role. Hang in there both of you (neither role is emotionally easy), but having the experience will only make you stronger this time around (and hopefully the last)!
I'm sorry. While you're taking care of her, take care of you, too.
Shucks. Thanks.
And Anonymous: cheers to parallel lives! Thought you might get a chuckle in knowing that the lime green Ipod reappeared three days ago, squashed not just behind a couch cushion but way, way down into the bowels of the thing. Returned (I think).
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