Things You Can Count On, Vehicles:
1) If the battery in your husband's car has died once, it will again.
2) It will die when you are driving it for the day.
3) It will die in the WalMart parking lot. With three hungry kids in the backseat.
4) Hungry kids who need to pee.
5) There are kind and helpful people everywhere. Clean bathrooms are less plentiful.
6) Do not bother contemplating why your husband has not replaced the battery sooner.
7) Just don't go there.
TYCCO, Chasing Ambulances:
1) Where there is thick, black, acrid smoke, there is fire.
2) You will feel your long-gone-ambulance-chasing grandmother act through you, literally take the wheel with her ghostly hands and gun the pedal toward the action.
3) Unlike your grandmother, who never once did, you will find a fire. A big one.
4) Firetrucks are big and streets in the Small Town are small. Your driving skills will be tested. Thankfully, the car's got a new battery, so that's a plus.
5) You will feel adrenaline and guilt and compassion and fear all at once and it will take you way too long to get past hoses and other gawkers and past smoke to finally get home.
6) You will vow to never, ever run after a siren again.
7) You will point to the heavens and say, "that one was for you, Ruthie."
TYCCO, School Comes With Many Things:
1) You think the worst they can bring home from school is math homework.
2) You'll be wrong.
3) It has legs and lives in scalps and rhymes with vice, as in: YOU NEED YOURS. Now.
TYCCO, Redemption Has Its Limits
1) Your fingers will peel from all the laundry and the washing and you will, at times, act like a pouty bitch.
2) Your children will be brave and patient.
3) Which will make you feel like ass, so you will bring home chocolate chip cookies in a tub and pizza dough.
4) You will allow everyone to pitch in and you will feel redeemed at their flour-y, happy faces and wrastle their bug-free hair.
7) You will forget to place their creation on the pizza stone first. Um. Uh.
8) You will scoop up raw dough and cheese with two spatulas and a dream.
TYCCO, Is This Week Done Yet?
1) You will burn the pizza and say -- it's a little black in parts but no worries!
3) Except for the raw middle.
4) The GFYO asks if we can save it as an "experiment."
5) You say yes and contemplate waffles for dinner.
6) You will contemplate next Monday. You will keep hope alive.
6commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
He wanted to keep your dinner as an experiment! Bwahahaha!
I'd almost consider doing things with wood far more drastic than knocking it after saying here that my kids have never had any run-ins with things that rhyme with vice. I also think if I don't say it, I will further advance my luck in that category. I am sorry about the ones that visited your house, but they best stay out of mine. I am not down with the vice.
I am, however, completely down with chocolate chip cookies. Oh, yes, I am.
I love it when you do these.
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Oh noes. Those rhymes with price mice vice thrice ice ice baby came to live at the House of WingDangDoo three years ago, while my husband was on a business trip. I will never, ever forget the delousing, the combing, the bright lights, the piles of laundry, and the mirthless visit to the barber with instructions to CUT 'EM SHORT. And the emergence of the rhymes with rice nice weiss zeitgeist hatching in my curls exactly one week later.
I needed that laugh. I almost wish my kids brought lice home from preschool...instead some kind of horrid pukey bug.
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