(This was published -- in a different form -- here already. Lazy? Maybe, but I've been busy dudes!)
It’s not the eyes that are the only windows to the soul. Show me a kid with a pile of Halloween candy and I’ll show you that kid’s true nature and personality.
Let's review, shall we?
The Security Specialist: This child will scope out a secure candy storage spot days in advance of Halloween. She dreams of biometric locks and humidity-controlled safe rooms and fears younger siblings and hungry, late-night noshing parents.
The Analyst: With access to a computer, this kid will whip up a Candy Haul spreadsheet in seconds. The document might even be accompanied by the latest in graphing technology: 27 Snickers, 15 Skittles, etc with moving parts like the Nasdaq. This child is interested more in buying trends and candy popularity (“Almond Joy sees continued downward momentum,” for instance). He will sort (and often, re-sort) each treat with the precision of a mathematical genius.
The Free Spirit: You will know this child by the path of wrappers trailing him from house to house. Why wait, thinks this kid, while digging into the loot while still costumed and hitting houses. He can barely mumble a “trick or treat” because of the Laffy Taffy stuffed in his mouth. This child lives for the moment and cares little for convention.
The Mover and Shaker: Making trades is the name of the game – and this kid will never lose out on the deal. Three mini Twix for a king size Reeses? Done. This child will likely partner with The Analyst for up-to-the minute trending information. She is on a full out mission to monopolize the market.
The Negotiator: No candy for breakfast? No candy for lunch? The Negotiator is relentless in challenging the terms of candy consumption. Deals will be made, promises will be issued: this child will sweet-talk her way to more sweets. Or die trying.
The Saver: The stockpile is a thing of beauty to this prudent child. Like Midas with his gold, this kid will swoon over unopened treats and practice self-discipline like a Zen master. He probably has candy from last Halloween.
The Entrepreneur: This child will seize any and all money-making opportunities and has likely already sold lemonade at a swift mark-up. With aspects of The Saver, the Entrepreneur will reserve loot until she is convinced typical sources have been effectively burnt out. Then it's sell, sell, sell.
The Scientist: Given some free space, a hard surface, a hammer (or soup can) and with luck, a bottle of Coke, this child could create nuclear fusion from a Pixie stick, a Skittle and Wii wand. Messy? Yes. Brilliant? Foshizzle. (Note: parents who say "foshizzle" rarely breed these types of children.)
Doubt my psuedo-science? Naturally I have no proof and like always am operating off a gut instinct that when not bloated from Snickers is ridiculous right all.the.time, but I implore you nonetheless to send me your own case-studies. Screw nature/nurture blahblahblah: it's the candy people! Surely I am on to something...
As for me? I am the pain in the Security Specialists ass.
5commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
I've met each and every one of these kids. The one I feel most sorry for is the Saver. When candy goes bad, it goes really bad.
Time will tell which one Cubby will be. I decided it would be in poor taste to take him trick-or-treating this year just so I could eat all the candy. Next year, though, all bets are off.
Somehow I got two Negotiators. Maybe someday they'll be lawyers and pay back poppa for all the pain they put him through.
I have a Saver and a Free Spirit...but then I bet you already knew that. The very first year, when Eldest was 17-18 months, after she received that first sucker, she sat down on the steps of the house where she received it, unwrapped the sucker and ate it. She could not be convinced there was more to be had. So we went home. :)
Free spirit negotiators.
This year though T also became the regretor with a horrible stomach ache Tues morning, he was still trying to negotiate a better outcome for the future.
Fortunately now, they've become the forgettors and are already onto Thanksgiving!
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