Spent two.five solid hours trying on dresses and shoes at Marshall's for my upcoming DC trip (no kids) with The Kid.
Decided it might be nice to look sophisticated for a change, possibly sexy.
Do you think the mirrors in places like that are trick ones? Because when I tried on the two choices at home...
WTF back fat? You were not there earlier today...
Good God.
Also, since my feet are so small and slinky high heels so not my area of expertise, I looked and walked like a bound-foot Chinese girl/drag queen. I might not know sexy, but I am sure this wobbling, hobbled bit I do in heels -- isn't it.
I need some girl lessons,
And a stylist. And a trainer.
Sooo... we'll begin here:
These are pictures of the shoes arriving tomorrow -
Sofft Galliana">
Sofft Reyna">
Yup, not a stiletto. No matter: I still might walk in those. Or fall flat on my face in those.
Come with me on this adventure of learning sexy lady-hood!
Because I'm gonna post pictures of me in dresses -- ME IN DRESSES! -- or at least some ideas of me in dresses during the 10 days before I need to choose and pack. (Think: artistic.)
Which means: there's gonna be some awkward photos of me. Possibly wobbling. And trying to look sexy in self-portraits or in the ones my friend Mo takes.
It's gonna be awesome! And really, really sexy and/or the funniest shit you ever did see.
If I were gambling girl, I'd go with the latter.
4commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
I just went through this very same exercise for a wedding that we're going to in DC! (it's not the same wedding is it??) The prep work and planning is ridic, right? And if your Kid is anything like mine, they haven't thought twice about what they are wearing, never mind having their brows waxed and toenails painted. I'm totes up for a Macy's / Joe's run this week. Just sayin'.
Holy sh*t. It's like Christmas! If I go to sleep right now, will I wake up to your photos?
I could use some girly lessons, too. But, probably not as much as I could use that trainer.
The trick to wearing heels is to walk TO a location, and then stand in ONE place and act like you're standing in that place because you are the coolest person in the place and everyone must come to YOU. It's possible people will even start to bring you drinks. Limit your movements as much as possible, and pray to god that you don't have to pee. . .
What? Jeans and a tee aren't sexy anymore? (I'd pay money to see a video of you walking, or attempting to walk, in either pair of those shoes.)
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