To Phone or Not To Phone: A Christmas Dilemma

I like to think of myself as a Christmas magician. Not the kind who makes the greens and holly and holiday lights appear in a poof – ask my neighbors and you'll know this is not where my magic skills lay -- but the kind who makes sure that that one very special, very much wished for gift gets dropped down the chimney. I think that's the kind of magician we all want to be.

Usually, it's pretty easy. I'll twist racetracks into gravity-defying loops or score the long-wished for Lego set. The Big Man with the Beard will bring earrings, even when the Mom has said "no pierced ears," and with a snap of the wand, another Christmas morning will become the best one ever. But this year, I'm struggling.

This year I'm not sure I can make the magic happen. To get my daughter a phone or not to get her a phone, that is the question.

If my daughter were writing here, she would tell you that she's the only kid IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD with a mother so strict. She would be partly right because while I know that she is not the only sixth grader without a cell phone, I also know she's in a very small minority. I've held my no phone ground for so long, that sometimes I'm not even sure where my reluctance comes from.

I suppose it's fear. I've read so much about what can and does happen with technology like that and it scares me, but yet, I allowed her to set up an email account, which is just as frightening. Maybe I'm more afraid that with a cell phone in her pocket, she will be even more grown up -- and maybe growing away from me?

Lately, my daughter's charts and lists and arguments trying to sway my decision have become more persuasive. She's started babysitting, has managed her homework and chores and practice schedules, and by all accounts, appears to be able to handle the responsibility. Plus, she's a pretty great kid and I still want to be that Christmas magic-maker for her.

And I don't think a Barbie Dream House is a going to cut it this year.

My friend Jessica, who has a daughter one year older than mine, and who has always been a trusted source, is helping my daughter's case. Like me, Jess was resisting the phone but finally relented last Christmas. She's set some solid boundaries and rules -- no cell phones (or computers) upstairs, mom owns the phone and therefore has access to whatever's on it and/or can cut it off at any time.

Jess said she's actually glad she finally allowed the coveted phone, especially because she's been able to successfully set a precedent for the teenage future when boundaries and rules will matter even more.

I guess the future is here. I am getting my daughter a cell phone.

I am going into it with the kind of optimism that has sustained a lot of my parenting decisions: which is basically that if I shore myself up with enough information and set and stand by some unflinching regulations then all will be okay. If I have to, I'll revise my strategy should something pop up -- which it will.

But for now, I'm hoping it's just the chime of a funny text sent by a daughter to her mom, who, as it turns out, will get to be a Christmas magician once more.

(This was first published here.)

Also personal to Laggin: I adore you.