I live in Massachusetts.
Massachusetts is a state with many bad habits, some awful use of the English language, a great baseball team (presently losing), and a massive amount of history that literally leaks into us every day like lead from a window sill: it gets in the blood.
It's especially true here, in the Small Town, the birthplace of the American Navy and the sailors who crossed Washington on the Delaware. If you weren't born in the hospital that hasn't existed in decades, you're not "from" here. Still, this is a town that expects you to make a mark: the letters to the editor are the best read part of the newspaper.
We are a decidedly Blue State. We are the home of the Kennedys, of the John Quincys, of Paul Revere and also: George Washington slept here... and here... and here... and here. We are a mash-up of Pilgrim and Witch and immigrant Irish and we brought wikkid cool to the Nation.
Massachusetts was the first state to legalize gay marriage.
Next came California, where I spent my early childhood (acting all gay and stuff) and now, Connecticut has gone legal. I spent a solid 9 years (and did some damage, yo) in Connecticut (which I still pronounce in my head as con-eck-tick-cut). I consider it my home state, even though I shipped out of there 23 years ago when I was 15 (OMG! -- the math!) and started boarding school. In Massachusetts.
(There were four on-and-off years in Rhode Island -- ok alright FIVE years -- with stints ski instructing in Vermont and raging against a point of light for months in DC. With three months in Jamaica trying to save the world. Which means: RI, VT, Jamaica -- watch out!)
My point is -- yes, I have a point (jeesh) -- that I consider myself somewhat of a veteran on how legal gay marriage changes things for all of us straight married people and for all you single straight people, and it is this:
A woman married a woman. A man married a man.
Some of them had kids already (kids who would now be protected -- in divorce --- by the same law that protects the children of straight couples) (family values after all should be about protecting the most vulnerable).
Some couples had more access and legitimacy to adopt and so, their families grew or began. Businesses sprang up. Time passed. Some marriages fizzled and died at about the same rate that straight marriages fizzle and die.
But mostly: nothing happened. Nothing changed.
I still fight with The Kid about stupid shit. We still trade the pants in the family and argue about control of the clicker. Our marriage hasn't changed one iota since they allowed everyone to get married here, and ps: no one has opted to marry their dog.
What has changed? My children's grasp of love. They see it in a way that is completely blind and all encompassing and also, what's the big deal?
(Truthfully: I don't think they changed at all. I think they were born like that -- I think all babies are born like that: open and loving and good. It's just that we have the opportunity now, here in the MA, to put that goodness into action. Just saying.)
The bottom line: you people in all those other states, there is nothing to be afraid of.
22commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
Hmm. I have to figure out how to go forward that post to EVERYONE in the friggin, ass-backward state of Kansas. *sigh*
ARRRGH. I go to work in Missouri just to make my blood feel almost half blue.
All I can say is "amen." Sometimes I feel like the only one around my core group of friends who sees that.
I agree. In the whole scheme of things, who really cares what goes on behind closed doors! I mean, really???? My 4 year old told me the other day that he really wants to marry me but since I'm already married to his dad, that we probably can't get married.
Uh, yeah- so the whole gay marriage thing? I say who cares.
Thank you for your support. Having come from a conservative home and work environment and finally coming out of my closet, its wonderful to find straight folks who don't have their panties in a wad about this. Like you and others have said - who cares? We're just folks who want to love and be loved.
I live in the second bluest state in the nation, Michigan, and people here are STILL stupid about gays and gay marriage. Makes me nuts. Thank you for saying this so eloquently.
As always Ms. P you have the voice of reason.
I've never understood what the big deal is. It just doesn't compute to me why this would even be something worth arguing about. Marry whoever you want.
BTW, I love New England. And you're right, it's just rife with history. I lived in Marblehead for a year. Fun times!
Ms. Picket - I love you.
I don't want to marry you, or even kiss you - it's not that kind of love. But I'm proud to be in a state that would allow me to if I so chose.
And, btw, I think I love floydster now too.
Great post.
I'm feelin' Laggin up there. I complain all the time about the 'red state' shenannigans of people here in Missouri. But Kansas...ugh...it's level of 'red state' assails every single one of my senses. Perhaps we can pass your post along with a little caveat that says..."And if they are married you don't have to have them over for dinner and can still call them names and..."
Your eloquence has left me with nothing else to say but "Thank you" from yet another red state (and one with a hateful, exclusive constitutional amendment still trying to make its way to the ballot, no less.) At some point, thanks in part to your brave and brilliant words here, there will be more of us who are able to see how love and commitment and the hard damn work of marriage are all that matter, not the sex of the people involved (I say "sex" not as the act, but as the biological makeup; "gender" is such a useless word.) I, personally, have so much going on in my own marriage that I don't really have time to worry about anyone else's.
It's so rare when CT gets to be cutting edge. And right about something.
Having spent their little lives with a mommy who happens to be a big fan of gay men...my kids do not see the difference between a same sex relationship and what most of the world considers a 'normal' relationship. I will never forget the day my oldest put it all together...'so mommy, let me get this straight...boys can love boys and girls can love girls?' Yep, you got that right kiddo.
Thankfully, Miami Beach is about as diverse as it gets in this country - anything goes. I'm happy they were 'exposed' (that word sounds much too sordid) at such an early age. It takes a lot of restraint for me not to encourage my son to be gay lol...a mom can dream:) As a parent - I just want my kids to be happy and fulfilled and if that means with a same sex partner - oh well.
WHO CARES?? Stay out of my bedroom and I will stay out of yours:)
Hello from Maine.
I think Mrs. Waltz articulated my thoughts beautifully so I really can't add to it, except to say, stay out of my bedroom and I'll leave the skeletons in your closet, alone.
Yay, Ms. Picket...as ever, you really articulated the crux of the issue, which is that we might be approaching a point here in Massachusetts when *this isn't an issue.* And when I compare my experience as a child, back in the olden days (Gay? What's that? I know I've never met a gay person...) to my daughter's (her comment on seeing the wedding pages of the Sunday Times? "Mommy, those guys are *really* going to have to adopt their babies"), it makes me hope that childrens' nonchalance about all this will be the attitude that changes the world. So. I'm going to think about this post with a smile when I drive past my neighbor's W-stickered car, and feel like just maybe I'm making a difference every time I make my kids come with me to vote.
Excellent post, Ms. P. I couldn't agree more. I've never understood the flap about gay marriage and never will. I've yet to hear it explained in a way that makes any sense at all.
Can I have an A and a Men?
I am one of those loosely parenthesis'd ' ' Catholics ' ' (see how loose those things are?) who bites my tongue and sits on my hands in my pew when my very young, very conservative priest tells me that some of the people I love the most (like my very cute, very gay, very available *wink wink* florist cousin) are going to hell because of their sexual orientation.
I could go into that for like 3 weeks, 6 days and 2 and a half hours, but I will leave it at this... A.M.E.N sista!
And I didnt have to live all over (or get around like in your case [BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA] sheesh - tough crowd) to get it!
You ROCK!
I've said it Before and I'll say it again....
I don't give a shit who you Love or who you Fuck.
Don't we have bigger Fish to Fry?
So right! Really, what are people so afraid of?
Proud to live in a state where love is just love. No restrictions. No rules.
1. I loved Boston, and would love to go back even though when it rained the entire time we tried to walk the Freedom Trail to Faneuil Hall.. and it soaked the bag that had the digital camera, which fell out and was never recovered and had all our pictures of Cape Cod and I threw my hands up in air and screamed, "SCREW YOU BOSTON AND YOUR STUPID RAIN!". Even though all that.
2. Ms. Picket is like the Johnny Appleseed of Gay Rights! She spreads them wherever she goes.
She's Pickety Gay Seed! Er.. something...
3. Really, as you said, Ms. P, it's not about sex or a piece of paper, it's about people loving each other and sharing their lives and having the same protections from harm that any other union would have. It's about teaching our kids not to hate or to fear difference.
Amen, sister. And God bless Massachusetts. I've always wondered what it would be like to live in a state like that. I've only lived in right wing states. I do, however, live in a swing state right now and I can not wait until voting day to see which way we lean. It feels good to finally know my vote counts cuz In Utah an Obama vote counts for shit.
Yes! Awesome post. And I love the state facts and a little glimpse into your past.
It amazes me some people have the arrogance to tell other people what they can do with their private parts.
It's considered rude to tell people they shouldn't wear certain clothes, much less who they can go to bed with.
Because obviously that's a lot less personal!
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