Or, "Head? Meet Sand"
Or, "And My Toes Look Awesome!"
I've been handling the barrage of bad news with typical steely calm by yelling at the radio. Granted, I have not shouted "off with his head" or "kill him" like some level-headed hatemongers McCain supporters, but I have been grimacing a bit too much and shaking my head like an imbecile and cringing and sighing and swearing and altogether, I don't think this is enhancing that youthful glow I am going for. I literally feel stress fractures cracking in my face -- on a good day! -- so I've decided that the most effectual plan to regain some calmness is to literally turn the news off. Which I did.
I decided to enhance the Zen by indulging in a pedicure at a slightly upscale salon (just doing my part for the economy, yo!). I care not so much for the color or the effect: I usually get impatient during the "drying" time and split before I'm due, which inevitably leaves a blurry smudge across any number of fingers or toes. But the acetone (is that what it's called?) is like valium to me (or glue?) and honestly, it's the cheapest foot or hand massage going. And relatively fast, considering. And a lot less painful than exercise.
This plan would have worked out as it usually does if not for the blathering bridesmaids who had literally taken over the place. I am all for love and marriage and girl/girl bonding but LADIES! Puhleeze! We do not all care about your updos or the shenanigans at the bachelorette party and frankly, I don't think the groom's mother was loving it much either.
The redhead is wearing the sweater dress to the rehearsal dinner in case anyone wants to know and she is probably going to get really hammered at the wedding and dump a drink on the skinny girl. The skinny girl who "hates a french pedicure" even though (said the redhead) (with a gasp) "but WE ALL have to have the french pedicure" to which the skinny girl just rolled her eyes. And the one who hates makeup? She promises not to wear that really dark blush that was "probably meant for a black girl."
Still, at least it wasn't updates every six minutes on global financial freefall, so all in all, I recommend this plan wholeheartedly. If you can no longer handle the mounting doom and gloom, turn off the news and hit the nail place. (Readers with extra bits: there was a MAN in there, I shit you not, so the same advice is true for you.) God willing, you'll get your own gaggle of bridesmaids and voila! what election? what recession? war?
I wish I stayed longer so I could have gotten an address because you know I would so be crashing that reception: open bars are really good for Zen.
24commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
It's Friday, time to click open a beer and forget about all that bad stuff for a little bit (and by bad stuff I mean a bridal party in the salon with you.)
Don't know if you've seen it, or if you care, but this is interesting.
http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/make_believe_maverick_the_real_john_mccain
I only add it because of the crossed off hate monger comment, I hope you don't mind.
Hold on -- okay.
Sorry 'bout that, but reading this inspired me to get on the phone to the spa and get a pedi appointment for tomorrow morning. God knows I could use a break and some Zen. Thanks for the great idea!
Great idea. And I'm not trying to be disparaging here, but what happened between the Vietnam War and now that turned so many people from that country into expert toe and nail groomers?
Even more relaxing? Penguin training.
Just sayin'.
Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha
I actually hate bridal parties. I have to resist the urge to say: "Stooooooppppp."
Aside from that, to make you feel better, I booed at a McCain house while out for a run. The owner gave me a dirty look from his garage. But, still, boo.
DANG! I wish I would have read this - nay, you wrote this - before I left my really small town for the next biggest town, because then I would have had a really good idea to go with. Instead, I came back to my really small town bloated from popcorn and exhausted from a movie I am not sure I followed completely - it was good and all, but I got lost at hello.
C'mon Picket! Get all Zen and everything by crashing the wedding. I'll give you chocolate!
wedding? I thought there were only divorces these days.
If you need any other ideas to escape...I'm going to skydive today so maybe if I live through it you should give it a try. And if the bridal party follows you - you can push them out of the plane with no chutes.
That does sound relaxing (minus the chattering bridesmaids).
I'm going with the "Ignorance is bliss" plan. I refuse to look at any of my investment accounts to see how badly damaged they are. I'm thinking if I knew for sure what they looked like, I'd probably be curled up in the fetal position on my bed.
So thank you for doing your part to keep our economy afloat!
Also not looking at any statements. I'll let my financial guy handle the pain. I think of it as buying lots and lots of cheap shares! Kid's college funds are already in cash funds, and retirement stuff won't be needed for at least 15 years.
hmm I think Im gonna get my nails done today...
I'm with you. I cannot handle the stock market, foreclosures, or the word crisis anymore. Nor can I handle hearing people say they want my secret love Obama dead. I don't have money for beauty so I'm opting to become a booze hound.
I was trying to explain--ever so simplistically, I thought--the economic crisis to my children yesterday. Today, they have taken it on themselves to support the family by selling worms in front of the house: big ones, $.25; little ones, $.10; slugs and snails, $.25. To bad about the whole GE stock thing we had going for college funds: it's all about the worm sales...maybe they'll make enough to get me a mani/pedi combo.
Oh yay! Pretty feet and free snark. Hooray!
My kids just made $17.80 selling worms.
Hoping tennisskirt will share?
Sometimes a little hand/foot love makes the day a little brighter, no? Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens be DAMNED!! Mani/pedi/gossip all the way. Duh!
Ah, there's nothing like mindless banter to get your mind off the matters at hand. That's why I watch reality television.
Oooh, I'll so crash that wedding with you. We can both wear sweater dresses with french pedicures and blush meant for black women. We can drop a few snarky comments among the wedding party, snag a bottle of champagne and fly out of there!
When you get a free minute, (I know, hardy har!!)will you email me? No hurry. Just want to follow up on a comment you made.
I'm doing the mani-pedi this weekend because I "HAVE" to takes a gaggle of teenagers. It's homecoming weekend, ya know! And if I'm driving them there, I might as well joint in.
Must say I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend of no TV no CNN no Scott carrying on about the coming doom. My mani-pedi is next on the list.
Ms. Picket...just wanted to tell ya loved that you said you had your family watch my skydive too. It was totally insane and other than the day each of MY 3 short drunk people were born - the best day of my life. I am still smiling...all credit goes to Amy for the inspiration. Wow.
This is kind of vital info we men never learn in the barber shop.
Can you vote early? I sent my absentee ballot last week and since them have been able to observe the election with mild amusement rather than the emotional inverstment that I had before.
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