It's still raining. The couch is still uncomfortable, no school again today, and I'm tired. I have to wait yet another 24 hours for the great Palin-Biden Debate (perhaps more entertaining than the Lincoln-Douglas ones) and apparently, there is something awful happening with the economy.
It's days like these, when even the internets seem boring and tivod House seems dull, that an email from my sister can switch it all around. And lo and freakin' behold, she does not disappoint. Witness the following -- the names sneakily altered to protect the innocent:
"Dear Family,
The economic prognosis (save John McCain’s “fundamentally sound economics” outlook) sucks. The prospect of getting any help with college tuition has all but disappeared.
NOT TO WORRY! I have a new plan. We will “Home College” our kids -- with your help. If all goes well, the school will remain open for the younger children of our illustrious brood.
Curriculum and Staff:
PE and Art/Art History/Agriculture – Mom
Small Business Dev/Real Estate/Economics – Brother In Law
Creative Writing and BS – Ms Picket (Minors for the latter are also offered by the entire faculty)
Risk Management/Sports Marketing – Other Brother-in-Law
Advertising/”Fair and Balanced” Poli-Sci – The Kid
Psychology/Intellectual Organization – Sister One
History As I See It/Food Services – Sister Two
Math and Sciences – Dad
Architecture/Yoga/Creative Arts – New York Cousins
The following seminars will be offered throughout the academic year by Other Cousin:
International Relations: "Why Palin can't really see Russia from her house"
So, This is College: "How to skip class and get the most out of your booze"
We will be accepting applications on a continuing basis. Enroll now as space is limited! Tuition is based on merit and need, as we, the teachers, realize we might need to pay our students to attend."
Despite being named Professor of BS, I am still down with the plan. Plus, imagine the online possibilities of the Home College with Visiting Professors from all over the blogosphere offering virtual classes in Modern Philosophy and the Overshare, Nutrition (featuring classes in Does This Wine Bottle Make My Ass Look Fat? and Pancakes for Dinner) or... what have you?
Economy be damned! We're gonna make these wikkid smaht kids even smahter!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
My Sister Solves the Financial Crisis
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
24commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
Ooohhh, that is genius. If I pay five students to attend may I please be a professor? I don't know what I'd teach but I so wanna be a part of that school...
Can I teach animal husbandry? They could take field trips to Blackrock! And shear our sheep for us! Yes, I like this plan . . .
Maybe I was laughing too hard and missed it, but I didn't see a technology/computer science prof in there; can I have the job? And I'll want my kids to attend when they're old enough, so you'll have to take on Kristin (above) for her animal expertise: mine are basically wild goats.
Can I be Professor of skipping class and protesting?
I will co teach with aimeepalooza. I have a masters in both!
This rocks!
Okay, so now I am all over the courses I could teach:
Home Sciences--"Cupboard Scavenging 101: Creating Nutritious Meals from capers, a jar of boysenberry jam (gift) and the creepy orange cheese entombed in plastic"
Pre-Med--"Rating the Pain: Tripped-over Lego guys vs. Playmobil guys"
Religion/Spirituality--"Recovering from a Catholic Childhood"
Educational Psychology--"Plain Chicken, no. Pirate Chicken, yes."
So, so you think I might get a faculty discount for my oh-so-gifted progeny?
Great idea! Where do we sign up????
notatennisskirtmom -- we will take your classes, but mostly: please just start writing a blog. please.
Will there be a scholarship program? I'll get my kids started on their essays now!
Is there an online application? High School senior is getting ready to apply for a Bachelor of Science degree in BS, minor in Blame-Shifting. A BS BS BS!
I would like to apply for off-site continuing education classes please.
Can I teach "quarters and other fun bar games"? I had the rolling it off my nose technique down pat, once upon a time. I'll do a seminar in techniques for avoiding hang-overs too.
I want to teach Chemistry.
The reaction of Enzymes in Malted Barley at differing Tempurature - 101.
And.
Why Yeast and Sugar are our Friends - 200.
I didn't see Ultimate Frisbee. Is there a professorship open?
Also, you are on for that virtual beer. I cannot wait.
And I want to teach wash your hair once a week and wear sweatpants to class, class. And how to get notes from nerdy boys so you can avoid class, class. I think I am a professor of how to survive college without really going.
Perfect! I love your sister's brain!
My husband could offer classes in:
*Equine poop removal
*Family avoidance techniques
*Chihuahua fashion
and
*Sexual positions for the rurally challenged
Ohh, I want to be a student. This sounds like I might actually get passing grades this time.
Expect my transfer-student application in the mail shortly.
Also, totally forgot to tell you hysterical story about Brianna. She looks at Jess today and says "The economy is in trouble, I don't trust the banks. Take my money out for college and put it in the banks in another country.".... she totally got her genius from me!
I love the idea.
And for a semester abroad, send them to my place in the Midwest and I'll send mine to the East Coast.
And what's up with Palin and those bangs?
Sorry, but I'm going to have to challenge Sister Two for the "History As I See It" gig. I'm pretty certain I am the best in the field. If you're absolutely solid on having her do it, then I guess I can teach Passive Agressive Negotiating Tactics, beginning with the eyeroll. If you insist.
She's a damn genius.
I can't watch that Plain I mean Palin chick talk anymore. But I will be looking for Tina Fey tonight on SNL.
Are you guys accepting apps for sisters? I think i'm going back blond, we can wear our straw hats, we'll be identical!?
Brilliant. Of course, Home College is the natural next step in the do-it-yourself educational trend.
What can I teach? A class in bullshittery? I'm not qualified for much, but looking to help.
I'd like to enroll in International Relations, please. Will there be a tour of her back yard?
Post a Comment