In T-minus two hours, I will stand before hundreds tens? a bunch of people and attempt to make words leave my mouth. Not the words that will be racing around my head mind you, but the words I am supposed to say: the official representative type words. Eeek. I am skeered.
It's not that I mind public speaking, if the public is like ten people who are hammered and loving me. Once I did an impression of Mick Jagger for 15 minutes (too long) and I was all kinds of brave then -- and public. (Tonight, there will be a bar with booze involved, but still: THIS is different.) And also, what if I've watched too many stump speeches lately and start doing the (gasp) mock thumbs up thing? Or the wave-point-wave thing? 
Shudder.
I'm not bothering with the make-up because I don't know how what's the point? Within 1.2 seconds of opening my mouth, the blood will leave every part of my body and go directly, flash-flood style, to my head. It will not be the sweet blush of youth: it will be "oh my fucking god, my heart is beating in MY FACE."
After I have spoken with enthusiastic eloquence blabbered, I will sit down, having no idea what I've said, because my words will be delayed getting to my ears ala cell phone call to Tokyo. And then I will black out for the next ten minutes. What with the blood draining back to my toes.
Next, I will consider drinking heavily, then I will consider abstaining (so I don't start holding up my lighter and chanting "rock on" while the Superintendent talks), and then I will scribble VERY IMPORTANT notes (that will mostly be "remember to look up the word _____" and "what did he just say?") and then I will nod and smile and go home.
Hold me.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Public Freaking
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25commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
Umm, begin drinking heavily now...?
Best of luck!
You're gonna be fine. Focus on your reward of the drink later. Have fun.
You got this...
Also, I hope to sometimes see this Mick Jagger impression of yours... you so rock.
You know who else was president of the PTO don't you?
You're rockin' the suburbs.
You'll be fine. And red. And tipsy. And fine.
I'm pretty sure you could not be as irritating as Sarah Palin. So at least you got that going for you.
I'm sure you'll do great. Just imagine everyone in their underwear. And it never hurts to take a little sip of something to calm the nerves :)
As long as your hair isn't piled on top of your head and you aren't sporting those designer frames you should be fine. Our PTA meetings are always in some stinky gym. They would be totally better with alcohol.
Duuuuude. I hate the inadvertant blushing. And the involuntary sweating and the staggered stuttering. But my least favorite of all? The disappearance of my word retrieval skills. That happens to me only when the audience exceeds 60 members. I feel ya' sister. Go get 'em.
You will be glorious. Remember you "employ" them.
Ok, so are you happy you tracked me down to find your incriminating "note taking" while the superintendant was speaking????
You can always burst into that 15 minutes too long Mick Jagger thing if it starts going all wrong.
Well obviously its over, so I hope it went well! Hopefully the sudden onslaught (what the in the spelling department) of blood to your face didnt effect your ability to drink much beers afterward. (and yes I MEANT to say much beers).
So spill - how was it??????????????
I have the opposite problem. Public speaking is a breeze, it's the one on one that I find difficult.
Hope it went well for you!
So... better or worse than you feared?
Worse, you hold up your lighter and it sets your alcoholic breath on fire. No, wait ... that would be kinda cool.
Man, I love public speaking.
you'll totally rock. Don't worry!
Jen W said it best with the underwear comment....
I'm in SALES for god's sake...put me in front of an audience of people I'm trying to sell stuff to and I'm fine...put me in an audience of my peers? Total meltdown.
As tempting as drinking may be...just ask Meredith of 1987 in speech class - don't do it:)
Damn! It is now Wednesday night at approximately 7:50 p.m. my time, and, for all intents and purposes, I'm going to assume that this lack of word from you means you're reveling in your success!
I'm totally holding you right now. ... Break a leg.
I'm hoping it went well (and ditto the Palin remark).
btw, I've seen Truly, Madly, Deeply 3X. Can't believe I forgot to include it. AND...I've also done an imitation of Mick Jagger. At the 8th grade talent show, I pranced around on stage and sang Jumping Jack Flash.
On the other hand, makeup--I don't leave home without it. ;)
Free bird, Ms. Picket. Free bird.
Cool, calm & collected - that is what you were.
BTW - your very important not taking sheet was accidentally published on the PTO website --OOPS! Sadly, I did agree with most of it.
keep the lighter in your pocket just in case..
and, rock on!!!!
I so hate public speaking. I mean I go into unnatural convulsions over it.
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