Friday, July 10, 2009

The Last Firsts

Today on the boat, while I was at home alone (at last) after four days solo with the Short Drunk People at my mom's house, the GFYO made me an official "older mom."


He lost his first tooth out at sea. Blood spilt all over the fiberglass and now his smile is marked and different. Underneath the funny words he still uses and his love of sippy cups and his blanky and kisses all the time from me, a grown up boy pokes through. There's no stopping it: the tooth, like everything with kids really, forces its way up and gone. My grasp on his littleness is flimsy now at best.

Last night, I stayed up with my nephews. They are 17 and 15 and talk and look like men. They are smart and funny and sweet and polite and I changed their diapers and kissed their booboos long before I was a mother myself. They don't remember me snuggling them or tucking them in or lifting them from sweaty sleep, but I do. Last night, I played them my music and they played me theirs and we both took notes to remind us what we liked. We ate warmed-up enchiladas off of one plate with three forks, like pals.

The GFYO stands in my nephews' shadows, awed and desperate. He farts on them for fun, and like troopers and dudes, they high five his every bit of boyness.  I think they see themselves in him sometimes, just as I do: little tiny boys become these big men, these big nearly grown men I love but cannot cuddle, adore but cannot pinch, wish to hold and keep and cradle forever but who now stand so many inches above me. How did we get here so fast?

The GFYO lost his first tooth, and it's the last time this first will happen for me. As my friend Kimba said, this is last of so many other firsts: first day of school, first stitches, first girlfriend. These firsts end with him. 

Soon enough, he too will tower over me. Soon enough, if I'm lucky, he will share one plate with me, late at night, telling secrets. Soon enough, he will be not be my toothless GFYO.

10commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...

DKC said...

Aw damn, Picket - you made me get all teary!

I remember when Jake lost his first tooth. It is a momentous occasion. The first of many firsts, indeed. Each one cause for joy and sorrow. *sigh*

Heather said...

We lost our last first tooth a month ago. I kept it, which is a little gross, but sentimental?

The Floydster said...

What a tender story! Thanks for sharing!

Nash's Mom said...

can't...type....comment....through....tears....

*sniff*

damn you for reminding me this will end some day.

I have to go cuddle now.

cIII said...

Even though I still have one Last First Tooth lost to go....

Damn *sniff*....damn you for making me think and despair and Rejoice.

If I write "goodly"....then Lady...

You write godly.

Huberus rocks, don't it?

for a different kind of girl said...

Damn, why you gotta go and make me cry?! Dude!

OK, truth, it's not just you who is making me cry. Last night, I was going through my wallet and found a photo of my boys taken when my oldest son was the same age as my youngest is now, and for the life of me, I think my tears were because I'll never have another 7 year old again. That, or I was just overly tired. That's what I'm going to go with, even if it's not the complete truth.

Susan said...

Great post but it made me miss my babies. Mine are all hairy and smelly now and can finish the plate before I lift my fork. And the tooth fairy, she started forgetting my kids a long time ago.

Mongolian Girl said...

This is beautiful. I feel certain you will be an awesome mom to share a plate of enchaladas with some day.

Aimee said...

Ahhh, yes. You know I know exactly how you feel.

Organic Meatbag said...

They do grow quickly, and before you know it, they run off and become rodeo clowns in Calgary, Canada, and you start asking yourself "Did I encourage Rodeo Clown behavior???"