Open Letter to Carmela Soprano, My Girl

I’ve saved all your Christmas Cards, Carm -- loved the one you sent of AJ with the goth face and mistletoe (he was such a baby then), and who knew Tony liked a sweater with a reindeer embroidered on, with a bell? (That photo almost made me pee my pants!)

It was always a joy to read your long letters, Carm, the ones stuffed inside the envelope, with all the news of the Family; you have an excellent use of language – and God, you're good with clip-art too. Good luck with your adventures in contracting and house flipping! You go, girl! And if I ever need a lawyer, even though, as you know, I am not Italian, I will be sure to call Meadow. You Soprano women… You kill me.

You must be so proud of what you have accomplished. Troubles aside – oh those long weepy phone calls we shared (God love the Pinot Grig, right?) – I hope you can see, can you see now, how everything worked out?

If you taught me anything, it is that marriage is a long road – what did you say? It's a horse-driven carriage we ride on over bumps howling with joy sometimes but mostly, it’s just shit we smell in passing. You reminded me – especially during those long dreary days you spent with Ton at the hospital – to keep on keeping on. You were – you are! – so brave, Carm, so brave!

I have especially enjoyed how our friendship had little to do with our kids. Mine are still so little (just wait, you always say, just wait) and yours seem all grown up now (oh don’t cry, you lush!). But going through all that stuff with you with the kids? It has given me great fodder for the future. Like with Fin: I loved that kid -- I know, I know, it's the preppy in me -- but I would have just died had that been me (as the Mom) when it didn't work out for Med. God knows we want different things for our kids, but still he was cute! And sensitive! And Med seemed so inspired by him.

I'll never forget what you said when it finally ended: "A mother knows what is best for her daughter." I guess you were right; God, I hope you're right. (I still love Fin though -- hahhahahaha!)

Our friendship was never about our husbands either. Waste management (peeyooooo!) and advertising? Ton and That Man don’t have much in common, and I loved how it never mattered. That being said, they can both shoot off at the mouth like the best of them, right? Ha Ha! (Truth be told, I wonder how mine would be with a little therapy? How’s that going for Tony, by the way?)

Anyhoo, I am not sure where you are going – I get it, I get it, you need some space, especially with that big shake up for Tony at work, and the empty nest thing (kinda – that AJ! I’m praying for him! And by the by, the new car? Oh no you didn’t!). Still, I want you to know, before we lose touch forever, what you have meant to me.

It’s hard to put it into words really Carm, but I feel like I know you better than anyone. You are a real inspiration: mom, career woman, and long-suffering wife to a Powerful Man. It’s been pretty obvious from the beginning of our relationship that your problems have surpassed my own – damn girl, you have more funeral outfits than any one woman should have! (I hope you don’t take that the wrong way....) Besides the age difference of our kids and the hubbies’ jobs, and all the money you have (did I just say that? out loud?), I still felt like we always had so much in common. You felt the same right? I know you did. It kind of goes without saying, right friend? Right?

I am thinking, just a suggestion, and Lord knows you have a lot going on, but maybe you should sign up with the Internet and get one of those Websites and write down all the stuff you’re thinking about and care about and want to gripe about? I would read it; I swear I would, like every day.

It’s just a thought.

Until then, thanks again for the recipes (you are so, so thoughtful) and thanks for just, you know, being there.