Summer Bummer: In Six Acts

ACT ONE:
Morning, hot, approximately seven days into summer:

Me: We’re going to the pool today. After lunch, after errands.
Him: Where are we going?
Me: To the pool. Later.
Him: What pool?
Me: Same place you had swimming lessons, but outside.
Him: Oh.

ACT TWO:
During errands aka: wailing, whining, throwing-self-on-floor hour:

Me: You know, none of us will go the pool if you can’t pull it together.
Him: IWANTTHEPOOL!
Me: Get up then and let’s pull it together.
Him: Alright. I want the pool. (Sob.)

ACT THREE:
In the car, headed home for lunch and pre-pool prep:

Him: When are we going to the pool?
Them: After lunch.
Him: It’s MY pool.
Them: No it’s not; it’s for everyone.
Him: NO! MY POOL!
Them: No, K, everyone’s.
Him: MY POOOLLLLL!!
Older Them: Listen, it was your pool inside where you had lessons, but this is the outdoor pool and i’ts for everyone.
Him: Oh. I want it.

ACT FOUR:
Home, lunch which he doesn’t eat because he is too busy doing this:

Him: When are we going?
Him: I want to go.
Him: Are we going now?
Him: Let’s go now.
Him: IWANTTHEPOOL.
Him: Now?
Him: NOW! (sob.) POOL!
Him: Is it my pool?
Him: IT'S MY POOL.
(Them: Whatever, dude.)

ACT FIVE:
In car, packed with towels, sunscreen, tabloids:

Him: WHERE ARE WE GOING????
Me to self: Oh for fuck’s sake, I taught him to talk for what reason?

ACT SIX:
Ten minutes at pool:

Him: I want to go home. I’m hungry.

Happy summer all.