Tonight, I will write about my innermost feelings a funny story about Short Drunk People some more More Truth the fact that it kinda sucks that The Kid has to strong arm the business world to (please dear God) employ him while also strong-arming his kids who have yet, YET, to understand that Daddy is working even if he's here all the time.
I wrestle the kids into the car for the three-minute trip to the beach. The prep and the cajoling and the yadayadabullshit takes at least an hour: bathing suits feel weird, shoes are lost, towels aren't "right", someone's hungry. We say -- and it's either me or him, can't remember -- "you are so lucky to live so close to the ocean!" and one of the Short Drunk People says -- I can't remember which one -- "Doesn't everybody?" after which, me and the Kid proverbially pound our proverbial chests and say nearly simultaneously, "NO! No, they don't!" and then say, perfectly in tune this time: "GET.IN.THE.CAR!"
I try to leave him be as best we can, take the posse away, give him time and quiet. He plays catch with them more than he ever has; he loves it. I try to make space for him. He feels guilty if he doesn't take them on a ride in the boat. I worry. He worries.
It's a longer ride, this jobless one, than we thought we would be on, and a weirder one, too. The sun shines, the kids whoop and holler, the boat pulls into the dock and plans are made for pizza and beer at a neighbors. That's normal and good, but everything is different: he could never do this on week-day before. Everything is different.
It sneaks in ALL THE TIME. I am losing my ability to see the upside, to see the great, wonderful benefit here for my kids and for us maybe. I am hating different.
I am scared.
13commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
I'm going on 8 months now. Scared? You bet your lilly white ass.
Happy?
More than I've ever been.
There will come a time when I have to "get back". This is not that Time.
I'm still gonna be a Baker. Just not right yet.
Chin up, Picket and Crew. The times...they are a Changin'.
Sorrysorrysorrysorry, Ms. P. If I could help, I would. But I can't, so I'll just have to read about it and send happy thoughts your way.
It has been an interesting new dynamic at the Picket household!
I promise you that it will all work out! It. will. be. alright. You both are too brilliant for anything else to be a result! Some good will come of this!
Hang tough, P. Tell the Kid it'll happen eventually.
You'll make it, I know you will. Just like Casey (Cookie Monster) the Engineer - if you have to eat the avalanche, you'll get the train through.
Sorry. I'm totally buzzed right now.
I so feel your anxiety. I'm going on 13 months of no work now. It.sucks.big.time. I don't have a family to worry about; but I understand as much as I can considering our different circumstances. It doesn't help me much when people say how its bad all over. Gee thanks, I wasn't aware of that. Sometimes I want to shout, no shit, Sherlock! Tell me something I don't know, like, where and when can I work again? But, this will end; this is temporary; I hang on to that tightly,as I continue beating the damn bushes for a frickin' job!
Yes. It is the weird moment at the club pool when you look at him reading on a Tuesday and you feel panic.
We are all their and it is good to be free of the shackles of work, but, it's the security that shakes us to the core.
(I work, but, teaching less than full time next year would qualify us for food stamps. *sigh*)
I have always worked. ALWAYS. Since I was thirteen, I have been getting paid to do some job. I went back to work after my kids were born while I was still taking Percocet and looking down at the C-section staples. (If nothing else, my fucked-up parents taught me that in an insecure world, cash can go a long way to making that feel a little less scary.) This week I worked four hours--FOUR!--not really enough to make it worth hiring a babysitter. It scares me and I know it scares my DH.
Some days it's very hard to look on the bright side, even when you're trying to catch a glimpse from your beach chair.
I find that liquor in the beach bag helps. The ubiquitous coffee-to-go cup has never been put to such good use.
Just saying.
Wish I had good words, but I suck at those. Just know I've known that feeling. I get it. Hoping good things come around soon.
(fingers still crossed for him, you, everyone.)
Thank you for your honesty. I've got a major financial change coming up and am scared as well. But, you know, I'm also that idiot that is always in a very real panic about going bankrupt even when things are great.
Who knew anxiety could be so goddamn useful, eh?
Man, y'all have my sympathy. This whole thing kind of sucks. I'm grateful to have a job right now and hope it continues. If it gets too bad, the Australian economy is still pretty strong...
Honey, I really really hope my thoughts aren't too late. Firstly, I may seem absent but I'm not really. I'm here, I promise.
Secondly, I am so sorry for your worry. I am so sorry this is happening to your family.
All I can say is I'm sorry. And I'm here listening. With every word I am listening.
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