I wrote five sentences and deleted them. I do that almost... never.
Typically, I sit down to the screen and wonder what I could possibly say and so, just start typing. I hit delete when I spell words incredibly wrong but mostly just, yeah....go.
Today, on the final edge of a weekend in which there was so much to do that I never enjoyed any of it as much as I should have or could have, and which might have been blog fodder, other shit happened.
Parents died (not mine).
Babies died (not mine).
Emails came that made me cry about things that had nothing to do with the dying.
Life sneaks into my boring. It sneaks in and finds its insidious home.
The minute I say the news is dull: a bomb goes off. The minute I say we are so lucky: someone gets sick. The minute I decide that I will never have anything to write about ever again: parents die, full-term babies die and I wonder how I could have ever dismissed the dullness of the life I live.
Mine is the dullness of the every day that lots of other people want to have. Mine is easy, relatively, and despite the closet full of bones, it is good.
Mine is the life most people have: mostly boring, decent, and safe, but all of us -- all of us know, it's fleeting: round the bend, turn the corner, who knows what might happen?
No one goes through life untouched. No one.
I want to start believing in a God, because I need someone to protect those people, that poor mother, their other kid, the adult children of Alzheimer's and yeah... hmm... -- dude -- I want someone to blame.
22commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
I think it's worse to have someone to blame. That means that there's someone with the power to stop it and doesn't. No matter what it is.
I've been touched by things too, but it's always just me, friends, and family that get me through it. I'm okay in that place.
Oh, I know, I know...I know. It seems that when such significant tragedy happens, it immediately makes me wish for a God, and simultaneously re-confirm that there is not one. (Man, that came off sounding like I think no God could allow this sort of thing to happen - that's not really what I mean. I more mean, it confirms that we are just...here. And people are born, and people die, and it is horrible and tragic and lovely and perfect and there is nothing good or rewarding or BETTER when things like this happen. It just is. Just horribly sad.) I truly did just take a big sigh, so: sigh.
That is the thing, isn't it, a reason. Without one it seems harder and colder.
I wish solace, where ever you can find it and with whatever name it needs to have. To all. Hugs and stuff, huh.
I've been sitting here all weekend, thinking I have nothing, and how boring it is. Then I read this and I was made aware. What I have is really good. I understand the desire to blame. While I can't fully wrap my head around the idea that there's something or someone or whatever that makes these choices for us, I take a bit of solace in the idea that there is, and, eventually come around to some peace with it, but explaining why? Too impossible for me to even try.
It's interesting to hear how other people write. I usually write a few random sentences and then try to fill in a story of some sort/
oh free man -- you speak my language 'cause dude that's what I love to hear. we are writers after all, even though most of us think we are not...
even in the way they check in... writers all.
Oh, the boring. The sweet solace and tepid embrace of the boring. How comforting it is.
But don't believe the (non) hype. The joy and the darkness both wait in the wings, duking it out over which one takes control.
The writing teacher for our district tells our kids to "write like you are on a bike going downhill!" Be brave.
Life sneaks into MY boring.
True.
Keeping my fingers crossed that they all make it through this. I would say I was praying for them but that smacks as false. Me and my issues.
As for the writing... type type type *spell check* publish. Re-read...wtf??? Move on.
"No one goes through life untouched. No one."
Entirely true, and entirely too easy to forget. But then you get one of those nasty, brutal shocks where issues of anguish and/or mortality come into sudden, close and awful focus... and in a heartbeat, boring, decent and safe starts to look a little like heaven.
We always complain when things are boring but in the back of our minds we know it's a challenge to the unknown that we immediately wish we could take back. Shit happens man. It always happens.
This is when I wonder if CNN and its' ilk are doing us a disservice. Were humans made to absorb the tragedies of the ENTIRE world? Our lives, homes, towns, states...isn't that enough? There is enough "life" there to occupy me without the tragedies of the rest of humanity.
As for writing, my biggest problem is self-editing. I write, read, and decide nobody would be interested...then delete.
Yeah.
The minute I say the news is dull: a bomb goes off. The minute I say we are so lucky: someone gets sick. The minute I decide that I will never have anything to write about ever again: parents die, full-term babies die and I wonder how I could have ever dismissed the dullness of the life I live.
Whatever you do, don't decide today that Obama is our next president...
I can't even think about dying today - whether it's old people or babies. I'm pretty raw these days, aren't you?
I feel like I've been skinned and all my nerves are exposed.
After reading your post, I just keep thinking, too, about that Chinese curse...
"May your life be interesting."
Deeples,
Ya lost me on the Obama part.
Sometimes, when life sneaks into my boring (as horrible as it is),I try to remind myself that this is the universe reminding me to appreciate my boring.
I think the awareness of and sensitivity to 'life sneaking into one's boring' is a blessing and a curse.
I read this on Sunday and it made me cry. Nothing has intruded on my boring lately--knock wood and all that--but it's always good to get a reminder that life is, ultimately, full of great sadness and enormous happiness. If we are really, really lucky, we have plenty of boring in between.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/02/education/edlife/quoted.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=dartmouth%20professor%20email%20astronomy&st=cse&oref=slogin
I would give a lot for boring right now. I haven't been online all that much because I am one of those people that went from normal to WTF happened? This was so insightful and I'm glad I read it.
I meant that since Ms. P was saying that everything she thinks she knows for sure, immediately does a 180 on her... I was chidingly (perhaps not in good taste for her post?) saying that I hoped she didn't "know" Obama would win because I wouldn't want that to 180 on her (or me).
I'm hoping that effective Nov 5th, I'll be able to communicate like a human being again.
I'm just trying to maintain the boring for now...I've had enough of the crazy.
I LOVE THIS POST
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