Tonight, my head is like a pin ball machine. (I actually just wrote "ping pong balls" which should give you a good idea of where I am: words.... nice... wait! Not those words... Wait! What?)
I wish I had the decent excuse that many people have -- being stressed and busy with food prep and travel -- and while the truth is that I do have those things, it's not just that that flips the flippers in the brain and sends the balls flying.
I just know that tonight, bells are being rung and lights are being flashed and I better hit the button like a thousand times or the balls will drop... oh shit, the kids need to get to bed ... and the tenderloin in the oven!... and the Book! and then well..... the ball shoots pass, like a speeding bullet, and sinks into the hole. One down. One lost.
I can't catch them all, that's true: but still the ricocheting balls remain.
And I think I am growing up enough to know that I own those balls. The day to day ones come and fly past and I get that and I'm good with letting most go by. But I own the ones that remain and clunk around in the machine, going nowhere.
It's those balls that keep ringing the bells, bumping the bumpers, breaking my heart. I could have shot them out. Or let them sink. I haven't. I didn't. After all the words I said or could have said, after realizing there was nothing I could ever say, after every misstep since then, every ugly glance, every silent hour, every place I put blame that wouldn't stick... what's left is a girl feeding one more stinkin' ball into the chute.
(It seems so petty to sum up a feeling like this in pinball metaphor.)
(She stands back; she takes a breath.)
***
The game has never been about the balls.
It's only and always been about the paddle.
13commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
My flippy paddle has been out of order as of late, so I am dropping balls all over the place.
I think that is why we have reserves in the chute. They are like do-overs or make-upers. All the same, just when you think you have played your last ball, another awaits you.
And I am tired and rambling about of all things... balls...
Bwahahahahahahaha!
Happy almost turkey day friend!
Whenever I feel stressed about Thanksgiving, I always think about this episode from the old show 3rd Rock from the Sun:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOLNHvjkZbA
It helps put in perspective the absurdity of it all. It's not on the clip but at the very end of the episode, after they make it through Thanksgiving, they talk about how "there couldn't possibly be another holiday this big anytime soon."
Stressed out about Thanksgiving....
WKRP in Cinci. - Turkey Drop episode.
"As God as My whitness, I thought Turkeys could fly."
-Less Nessman
Plus, you said "balls" alot......
And that made me Chuckle.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm thankful for you.
I am swimming in pinballs, so I hear you. I hope we can let them be and enjoy a reprieve.
I do believe this makes me a Pinball Wizard.
You are such a brilliant writer...sometimes I have to read your posts a few times so they sink in. Wicked smaht.
There's something more here. You're picking your battles wisely, but some you just can't avoid?
"Those balls"...particular balls. Balls that pertain to this week or the people of this week?
Wish I had magic words to stop the game and make it just be fun. In the meantime, listen to the bells and look at the pretty lights. Maybe they'll keep you entertained?
The way I deal with my balls is to become "one" with them. And alcohol works for that. Sorry, wish I could be more helpful.
Just wanted to chime in to say that I love your parenthetical statement in the 1st paragraph. It's funny... because it's true.
Dude that was never your paddle.
I like the pinball metaphore. It's too bad all those blinking lights are giving you a seizure.
Ahhhh Mizz Picket. You KNOW I'm lovin' this post!
If I read/hear/see one more thing today that remids me to pay close attention to the games I play with myself, I might just move a little farther along the path of owning it when I am blaming everybody else for speaking the words of the play I myself wrote.
Damn!
It can be a stressful prep time, but hopefully the day will be worth it - and free of pinball metaphors. Happy Thanksgiving.
MULTI-BALL!
My husband loves pinball, so I play with him sometimes at restaurants and I hate multiball - when suddenly 3 of them are banging around and... my husband hates when I get it because my only means of coping is just to immediately let 2 of them die and continue to focus on one of them...
Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll lose them all...
This gave me shivers, by the way... it's really, REALLY good:
The game has never been about the balls.
It's only and always been about the paddle.
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