The GFYO's classroom produces a newspaper every Monday. The kids report their weekend adventures and voila! There's the news. Lots of cute stuff about kids who "sleeped in" and kids who made "bag kites and flew off the dock" and the occasional, "I went to the liquor store with my dad."
The GFYO once reported that he spent his weekend at the museum with his grandmother where he saw a shark. There was only one part of his "news" that was true: my mom had been here. But the museum? The shark? Nope and nope. Did he forget what he actually did? Was he trying to make us look all smartypants and stuff? Nope and nope.
"I just lied," he said.
What is up with that? Am I raising a bunch of lying liars up in here? I THINK NOT. I am raising future valued citizens, valued citizens who do not in fact, should not in fact be all lying liars.
Is the playroom tidy? Yes, they cheerfully reply. LIE. Is your homework done, all of it? Absolutely, she claims. LIE. You do so like chicken, I say. I hate chicken, she says. LIE. Did you see a freakin' shark at a museum? Well, once I did, he says. LIE.
I would apply a polygraph daily if I could but frankly, we all know those things are iffy and also, you know the Short Drunk People would team up and strap me down to the thing. Like when I was half-awake on a Sunday morning. My weakest moments.
Is your name Mom?
Yes.
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Do you live on Hilly Street in Small Town?
Yes.
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Did you sacrifice your washboard abs for Three Short Drunk People?
Yes!
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Is is true that when you were 9 you washed all the toilets in the house weekly?
Um...
-__--_--___---
See? The little lying liars would totally call my bluff.
9commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
Wait just one cotton-pickin' minute...my kid is encouraged to spill details of our weekends once enrolled at CGS? Jesus H. Is it too late to transfer?
p.s. Did using the term cotton-picking minute say something bad about me? Note to self: don't say "cotton-picking" on weekend around five year old.
This sort of journalism now makes me question if Mr. and Mrs. So-And-So's family actually did come over for an evening of fried chicken and cards or the Masons actually DID install new leaders they wanted photographed on a Saturday, drop whatever you're doing, you're the newspaper editor, it's your job that I reported on for five years.
You've brought the fun back into lying and the liars who lie! Hurray!
On the dark side: when called on her lying, my 9-year old niece keeps telling her great-grandmother that lying is just easier than telling the truth. Al-A-Teen can you hear her screaming for help?
Where's Lt. Sipowitz when you need him?
I'm raising lying liars too. Little buggers. of course I'm too lazy to go and check to see if there room is clean. does that make it partly my fault?
Baby G used to tell everyone that he was either 16 or 21 when people asked his age. And when it was time to make a self-portrait for open house he drew himself as a balding old African American man with glasses?!
The Wonderboy is also a lying liar. But I manage to bust him every single time, so it's kind of fun.
Wow, you're going to receive 500 U.S. dollars reward! Gucci Gucci Gucci!
No, but I was going to say that it seems like I spend most of their waking hours lying to the kids. If we're leading by example, that ain't great. But if I didn't, they'd be eating chocolate three meals a day (which we're 'out of').
my kid: What do you think about dad's girlfriend?
me: Skank
my kid: What is a skank?
me: Your dad's girlfriend.
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