You Sexy Thing

The GFYO comes to see me tonight, clearly sniffing out some grub, and when I bust him trying to steal a cookie, he grabs hold of me in a giant "i just got busted" hug and says, "oh you sexy thing!"

This is wrong on many levels of course. But if you saw his face and knew that he still calls yogurt "yogret" and that his other favorite word is rat-skall-ee-yon (pronounced just like that), you would be less disgusted and more charmed. Trust me. The kid is a piece of work, but he's my piece of work and so I take all the blame and maybe someday, I'll take all the credit. He's got the alphabet down pat now, but I can assure you (naysayers) that he really has no idea what "sexy" means except that it makes his sisters laugh when he says it.

OK, OK. I laugh too.

I'm bad that way. Some Short Drunk will do or blurt out something completely inappropriate and I can't not laugh, because it is kind of funny, is it not? But my behavior causes said Drunk to do or say the thing again -- and again -- and now, everyone is in hysterics and acting poorly and I am trying to draw the line and regain the kind of decorum we are known for, but it's very hard to make that very serious stern mom face at a time like that so mostly I hide in the pantry until I get it back together. I am sucker for poop jokes and bare butts and weird dance moves on coffee tables and a five year old kid saying "sexy."

Call Oprah on me if you must (oh! and please tell her about The Book), but it turns out that "you sexy thing" is a line from a commercial. About mops, said Bridget. Very convenient mops, she said.

Someone should start a movement protesting that shit. It's bad for the children.