There are many many ways in which I am mean. I am mean when I ban skateboarding in the house. I am mean when I require clothes that are (relatively) clean (for school) and underpants underneath those clothes. (The horror!) I am mean for requiring sleep of children, for asking that wrappers not be thrown on the floor, for insisting that using the toilet as a testing ground for the submersiblity of an assortment of toys is not, in fact, a good idea. (Sorry to spoil the fun, but dudes, at least flush first...)
I am mostly mean because I will not give the nine year old a cell phone, even when she can name TWENTY FIVE other kids who have one. Maybe twenty nine, she says, maybe like forty. I am mean because I say that five hundred kids could have one and you still won't. And when she says there aren't five hundred kids in her school, I say, well, that's how mean I am.
She begs. She pleads. She whines, which I remind her is the kiss of death to her desires. She stops whining. She presents a rational argument for owning a cell phone which consists of one fact: her friends have one. I laugh and laugh and laugh. She gets annoyed at me and plays with the ring tones on our home phone, which is currently a Star Spangled Banner thanks to her and which is also hella annoying.
Who would you call, I ask. You, she says. From where, I reply...the playroom? She rolls her eyes and stuffs a smallish smile: she knows she is never that far away from me. She also knows this is a game she will never win, but still, she keeps playing. I think she likes knowing I will always say "no" more than she likes knowing that someday I will say yes.
Her BFF showed off her new phone today. I considered reaching for mine to call the BFF's mom (who is also one of my BFFs) to deliver a tirade (lovingly) upon her for buying it. But I didn't as I figured she would be calling me soon enough to confess but also, she's the mom and can do whatever she wants. And anyway, I was too busy being mean again: licking a stick of butter is both disgusting and not allowed. I am such a bitch.
Someday, my kids will thank me. In a text message.
17commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
"I think she likes knowing I will always say 'no' more than she likes knowing that someday I will say yes."
You are nine shades of smart, you are.
We say no just to practice saying no. So it rolls off our tongues like yes does on prom night.
No. nononononononoooooono.
Evil Mother. You probably also won't let her get the word shit tattooed on her forehead, huh? She'll never respect you, you know? I force mine to wear a coat when it's cold. She hates me.
I am President of the Mean Mommies of America. Do you want to be my VP?
My kid uses the same skewed logic on me, too. I tell him he barely talks to me when we're in the same room together and suddenly he thinks he's going to need to chit chat when he's down the street? P.S. kid. I don't even like talking on the phone!
What kind of mother doesn't allow her kids to go commando? Are you trying to scar them for life?
If only I could convince the cats that licking the butter is a no-no . . .
My parents were really mean, too. They wouldn't let me have a phone in my bedroom. Or a t.v. I'm obviously scarred for life because of it.
Ok, WHO was licking the butter? Because eww. And I'm a mean mommy too. We should start a club or something.
Stick to your guns on the phone thing, Ms. Picket. I can't stand the sight of a 9 yr old with a cell phone. Here's an exellent indication of why they don't need them. If there is no logical reason for them to have a watch then there is no logical reason for them to have a phone. No appointments, no deadlines, no responsibilites? No freakin' cell phone!
I am totally mean too...in that I won't let baby G ride the dog and pretend he's a cowboy. Mean, mean, mean.
My 12 year-old does have a cell phone. He is not allowed to text and the minute I call when he's at a friends and he doesn't answer, he loses it. Plus, I told him it is a tracking device and I can get online and find out if he's ever lying to me about where he is...ha ha ha! I am a beyotch too. (but he is 12 and 12 is a lot different than 9 in this big scary world...I feel safer that he has it.)
You're dead right on the cell phone. No 9 year old needs one and if her friends parents are stupid (or 'nice') that doesn't mean you have to be.
No butter licking???!!?!?? Who do you think you are lady???
(P.S. I say that same thing to my 7YO when she asks for a phone- Who the heck is she going to call?)
Nobody calls me on my cell phone and I refuse to be out-populared by my children. Maybe it's because I lick the butter.
My friend won the cellphone battle and her daughter didn't get a cellphone until she entered HIGH SCHOOL!!!My friend is stubborn if nothing else.
My daughter pouted for a half an hour today when I had to audacity to say, "OW! NO! You are hurting Mommy!" when she tried to pull my thumbnail off with her fingernails.
The NERVE of me.
My kid asked me for one when she was just FIVE. Answer; NO. Asked me since: No, Dreading for the moment when she will again? Yes.
Stay tough sister! ;)
My darling, for no good reason it's taken me ages to read your most recent posts. I do apologize. Back to the matter at hand ...
X's rule of thumb is BRILLIANT! Until a child needs to book their own dentist appointment, cell phones are OUT!
I'm glad to be back to the world fo Mrs Picket.
LilSass
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