Things you can count on: a) Best Laid Plans:
2) You will decide to go the neighborhood girls night after you have dinner with your husband who will explain that it is nothing but bad news.
3) You will stuff two cans in your pocket and go down the block and leave 40 minutes later so your husband can get to his hockey game.
4) You are a good wife at tough times.
5) Plus, you ran out of beer (in your pockets) and have more at home.
Things you can count on: b) Later:
1) Time will pass.
2) The news will get worse.
3) You will google other places to live.
4) You will move into some of those places in your imagination and even -- paint the walls!
5) He will say there might be a job in your old haunts.
6) You will slam on your nice wife breaks and slide into: NO!
7) He is still employed and all of this is TALK.
Things you can count on; c) Coach
1) You are a coach after all and there is a meeting for coaches.
2) You are one of a handful of women there.
3) You are invited to the bar.
Things you can count on: d) Trying to be a Broad, d1) Soccer Version:
1) You tuck your shins under your knees because that is what you do when you are nervous.
2) You drink a beer.
3) You drink a beer.
4) You get brave and mouth off about achievement and how failure matters and how there are too many teams and about how when "every kid gets a medal" that sucks ass.
5) You take a sip.
6) They high five.
7) Over you.
8) You pay the bill secretly and go home.
9) They stay.
Things you can count on: e) And Now?
1) You will log in and find a funny email.
2) Turns out sometimes you are funny.
3) Turns out that the rug you and he sit upon, you type over, you let your kids shoot and score on, is flimsy at best and thread-bare.
4) Turns out there is nothing you can say or do to fix it.
5) Turns out you have no control.
15commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
I know I said it took me a while to get through some of your posts but I am thoroughly lost here. Something is going on in small town america and things are amiss but wwhhaattt the hell ... nothing about this post makes sense. And then there was a post before this that's "empty" and I was getting an error coming over from my reader. Am I losing my mind, or are you? (Odds are good we're both losing our minds).
the last line says it all: Turns out you have no control. Why can't I remember that more often?
Oooh. Blogging with empty cans?
Gotcha. I think.
The he-still-has-a-job aspects, suck. Sorry.
Hang in there Ms P. Those men are stupid. And being rude to the chick coach may be the only time they feel important. Which is sad.
re: b7 — fingers remain crossed on yr behalf.
Here's my whistle and clipboard. You can have both my teams. I'll be happy just to lay the cones out before practice.
I hope things get better. I totally agree, you can't really plan for anything.
It's times like that when I wish that parachute pants were back in style so you could fit like, eight cans in your pockets.
Yes, that is the bummer, the lack of control.
About those soccer coaches: do not let them b.s. you! Trust me I am married to the president of the board; they are full of it. Next time talk about the problem that American kids have because they play "front focused" games. They just try to boot it to the goal. If you work on passing skills and ball handling you will crush them.
;)
Ahhhhh...moving to a new place and even painting the walls. I was in Arizona a few days ago and on a giant horse ranch in Wyoming before that. Oh, and I also lived up the road in that one house that's currently for sale.
I suggest you google a beach town to live. You just seem beachy.
Turns out you're still an awesome mom.
Please don't move! Pretty please! I shall miss the kiddies wayyy too much, plus the GFYO said "If Samantha goes away I will be SO sad!". So, PLEASE!
Of course I understand if it really must happen, i just don't want it to. I like you guys too much.
Anywhoo, Under your orders I came out of blogger retirement and did another post, thanks for the encouragement!
You can come live with me anytime. But bring your own cans...
You are definitely funny. Sometimes realizing you have no control isn't a bad thing - have a couple more cans and lay down on the rug for awhile.
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