Things have been weird up in here. That's what I told my sister on the phone tonight. I followed it with something that sounded like "cry and whine" but what I meant to say was...
Everything seems tenuous or worse.
The Kid is stressed and now inundated with opportunities, all of which see me packing my brood and house and splitting the Small Town. Which is cool and fun and incredibly terrifying. Also, my cousin is sick. I write the news to lots of strangers my cousin's friends and family about leukemia. It's my job, which I am grateful for, but I have to use medical words that scare me. Meanwhile, summer ends: I need to set up the PTO calendar 'cause I am the (naked) president after all. My kid's cast needs checking. The laundry is insane. I don't know when soccer starts, I'm not sure if I am coaching.
I spin and spin and splat.
A fifteen year old girl is struck by a car in the road of the Small Town and dies and I can't get myself to make sense of it. I can't bear to see her father's face, the face of my friend, her dad, but I do: I see his face up close (who is that man? so wrecked) and I see his face in my mind all the time since it happened. I can't string words together in my own head to say what I see, so for sure, I can't do it here.
I am sensitive to beauty as much as pain, I know that; it's a shifty, sneaky fortune cookie I am learning to live with. But this and all of everything us Picket's have had these last months, everything you've had, everything they have right now and right this awful terrible unbearable minute: I've been crying and I feel weak and breakable and so sad.
I can't explain why this song helps, but it did.
Don't feel obliged to comment: this is a purge, and nothing more. Listen. Love your people and yourself.
5commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
The Avett Brothers are fantastic. Check out The Felice Brothers as well - in the same vein. And 'brothers'.
Our friend was hit by a car this week too. He lived but is broken. It is a hard thing.
Feel what you need to feel.
I'm sorry about that poor girl and her family. All this stuff I gripe about really doesn't matter.
Have a better day today. That's an order.
"I am sensitive to beauty as much as pain, I know that; it's a shifty, sneaky fortune cookie I am learning to live with."
Amazing. Beautiful. In pain. You.
Thanks for sharing.
I agree with Mongolian girl. When things get crazy and sad and overwhelming, I always try to remember that everything works out eventually. inhale, exhale, it gets better after a bit.
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