This didn't happen at the grocery store which is a good thing: I am mean with the egg plant. And my half-frozen pork tenderloin right hook, all swift and thwack!? "You called me a what?" It's on: brawl in Aisle 4.
But this didn't happen in Aisle 4, or anywhere "real." And it didn't even happen to me exactly, but I felt like it did. Middle aged woman* (*not her real name) (maybe) made a comment on a blog (rhymes with wack jockey pleaseus) soapboxing that people who self-publish books are talentless dolts. Dart meet heart.
Maybe this middle aged woman didn't mean to imply that ALL self publishers (or independent filmmakers or musicians) are talentless, effortless dolts. Maybe she was just pointing out that in this one particular instance at Blogher, she wished to hear from "real authors" who have written queries and proposals. Which would be valuable information, absolutely.
But writing is a practice in precision; even if it's blurry, it's meant to be blurry -- a precise knife's edge scrawled in crayon and rubbed out just.so. So I gotta figure, since middle aged woman is a writer (*not her real profession), she must have precisely meant what she precisely wrote that "any dolt can do that. It's getting an agent and a publisher that requires some talent and great effort."
Oh dear.
Am I taking this personally? Maybe (she says, grabbing eggplant, reaching for tenderloin...), but I get it.
I suppose if I had what middle aged woman thinks is a better work ethic and more talent and more authenticity, I might have spent the last six months finding an agent and writing a book proposal. And who knows? Maybe that's what I'll spend the next six months doing. It's a noble and ridiculously difficult pursuit (hats off and god speed, Anna Lefler).
But me and my co-authoress spent OUR six months in side-splitting hysterics on an adventure of headaches and highlights and what the hell, let's do it because it was...fun and funny. The fact that we actually saw our idea through to completion and omigod! the horror! self-published our epic tome with five kids and their laundry between us makes for a ridiculously sweet sense of accomplishment.
Because after a decade's worth of parenting and housewifery, completing something separate from my kids' good grades or my clean house is completely un-dolty, you silly, silly middle aged dolt.
**I think I could re-title this: "No One Puts Picket in the Corner. No One. Because Corners Make Her Pissed."
23commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
You can not allow someone else's cowardice and jealousy get at you. It's one of the biggest pet peeve's of mine - when someone else feels the need to put other people's accomplishment's down to feel better about themselves. Feel proud about what you've done...If for no other reason because you did it, and because you do feel proud.
Eff her. Your book was better than tons of "real" books by "real" authors with "real" agents. It takes way bigger balls to do what you did and clearly she's just jealous that she has more competition. She's got issues - let her deal with them and just hold your head high and fahget about it.
Um... I am starting to question my judgement in pointing it out to you. And at the same time I am proud of how you defend us. And I've got your back if the blog shit goes down.
I think I have to go do a little tit for tat on my blog and show some sisterly love.
We did a thing that we felt the need to do and we did it independently without a lot of corporate bullshit. Which is perfect for what it was. And if you ever wanted to go the other way? The agent and publisher way? You would get grabbed in a hot minute because you're one of the most talented Actual writers in this whole World of Blogdom.
Here's the thing. Or a few things. You are dead right that blogs are self-published, so if people loathe self-publishing as a whole, hello? Blanket assertions like her doltish comment are meaningless, but people like Middle Aged Woman will make them for one of several reasons, including out-dated information (the world has changed since her B.A, program told her self-publishing was bad) or a need, a deep ego-centric need, to believe that someday she's be plucked from the masses and recognized as not-a-Muggle. It is so much easier to believe that fantasy by aggrandizing a agented publishing system. It absolves you from, as you say, finishing anything. It's not all her fault, because lots of people exploit this gig, and things are just shifting within the last five years. She'll catch up, or she won't. Whatever! In the mean time, you've expanded and defined your platform and perfected running a business with a product as well as many other benefits, and good things come from that.
Or, she might not have cared a wit about what she was saying, but wanted to blow smoke up someone's ass. That's all part of it too!
I just saw your alternate title. Hell, yeah. You rock!
I wouldn't have known that without random bitchy comments. What a tool.
Girrrrl, you know I've got your back! Some food for thought...are the checks cashed from self-published books different than those from published books? If a musician/band makes their own demo CD, is it not really music? Does someone who adopts a child love them any less than if they birthed the child herself???the end result is the same-a baby to love,great music for my iPod, or in this case-a hysterical book that I read cover to cover in less than 2 days!
Lisa Genova self-published Still Alice on iUnverse and sold it out of the back of her car. It was then picked up by a "real" publisher and hit the NYT best seller list. And won a Bronte Prize.
She went the agent route originally, but because she's a Ph.D she was told to try writing non-fiction.
So pffffth, middle aged woman.
You know what? Don't let it bother you. I have had a couple friends who have self-published and made more money than they would have by shopping publishers for 6mos, because they had lots of loyal friends who were happy to see them achieve their dreams. I'm told the average author who uses a publisher makes a whopping $7500. Is that worth all the frustration? You can self-publish for about $1000 (or less if it's an e-book). I told BHJ that's what he should consider doing if he doesn't feel like knocking on 1000 doors and getting a bunch of "nos."
And, like Susan said above, it can always lead to attention from publishers down the road!
All that being said, my wife and I are both published because people found us. But we're damned lucky.
I say take that eggplant and make ratatouille. Your brilliance is best spent on other pursuits.
(and by "other pursuits" i mean continuing to use that audacious talent of yours to self-publish, agent-publish, dog-publish, whatever. does it really matter what anyone else thinks?)
I'm new here so please forgive my jumping in on this issue, but you might be pretty irritable, too, if your name was "Middle Aged Woman." Meanwhile, I'm self published, though not offended because I'm also a dolt. Meanwhile, pretty subtle on the "wack jockey pleaseus." We all know you're talking about Snack Pocky Sneezes.
Meanwhile, I like to use meanwhile. It's one of my absolute favorites. Meanwhile, I'm leaving. Thank you.
Having worked with self-published and subsidy-published authors for over 15 years, I must say that the successful ones work their behinds off. No lack of work ethic there. Comments like this woman's demonstrate, to me, a lack of understanding about the impetus behind self-publishing; perhaps she is jealous of those who have the determination to fulfill their potential and take their own path to do it.
People that need other people (or publishing companies) are dolts! How about that! Boo ya Middle aged snobby pants!
Dude! I go out of town a few weekends and all shit breaks loose.
I want more. Maw, talk your shit (cuz I know she's reading) and Picket, hand her that ass!
I didn't go to BlogHer, but I bet this right here is more fun than the convention itself was. :)
I gotta buy the book still! I've been way busy, but I'm gonna have that book in my hands and read by the end of the month. That's not a promise to you, but me!
"Maybe this middle aged woman didn't mean to imply that ALL self publishers" Good guess. I apologize for my poorly worded comment. My argument was with BlogHer, not with the self-published. I meant that I certainly didn't need instructions from BlogHer on how to self-publish. I found most of their sessions to be entertaining, but otherwise useless.
Sorry you took offense. I am pretty sure you know how to contact me. Maybe that would have been better than getting your knickers in a twist? Please don't throw that eggplant at me. I bruise easily.
Wait.
Is crack rocky freezeus still blogging?
I thought he quit.
That comment was very clumsy and unfortunate for Middle Aged Woman. She clearly misunderstands the art of the spoken word for the art of marketing. They are two entirely different disciplines. Self publishing is a beautiful way we have of speaking freely, and without outside censorship. This element makes the art of self-publishing as close to the true art form as writing can possibly be.
I want to leave a comment but I was in the room at BlogHer when all that went down, so I'm just gonna be Switzerland on this one, cuz I'm chickensheet like that.
you should be more concerned with some of your "friends"/followers who are not who you think they are and spend less time worrying about the comments of strangers.
You and your self-published book rock. I still need to order...god I'm slow.
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