God Says Yes

Roar, sang Helen Reddy, when I was a little kid, and she sang it a lot it on my little AM radio. So, when I wasn't a Rhinestone Cowboy, I was pretty much just practicing to be all invincible like Helen.

Which as it turns out is pretty much impossible to be all the time -- and thankfully so, I think. Sometimes you need to curl up into a ball on the couch with a blanket, unplug the phones, unhook the keyboard. Sleep. Cry. Give up a little.

When my cousin got sick, I had to remind her that we are not polite when we are kicking the ass out of cancer. We are also not polite when our kids are sick or need help, or we are seriously crazy or sleep-deprived from dealing with a sick or sad kid or parent or dog or friend. We are not polite when we see something dangerous or evil or wrong with the little or big world we live in (like aimeepalooza had to do with the n-word hurling kid at the park). We do not apologize for doing whatever it is we need to do to make ourselves, or the people around us, or hells yeah, even our own stinkin' country better. We do what we need to do.

I've been thinking all morning how I really hope that's what Carolyn Online is doing right now. She and her husband and her family are grieving today. I don't even know what her voice sounds like (though I think I can hear it sometimes in the words she writes) and I don't live nearby and even if I did, I know there is really very little I could do.

Except maybe to tell her that I hope she does whatever she needs to do for herself and for her husband and kids without apologizing for any of it. I hope she says no thanks and yes thanks to offers of help or food or whatever without feeling guilty. I hope she doesn't worry about saying (or writing) the right thing or saying (or writing) nothing at all.

A week or so ago, I found this little scrap of paper at the bookstore with a poem typed on it. My cousin's mom and I and the Giant Four Year Old were getting through a rainy day by lurking through the children's books, which is always a fun thing to do, but especially on a rainy day and especially when you're waiting for results of a bone marrow biopsy. I'm not sure why I even picked up the little piece of paper, or why I kept the scrap in my pocket, and then in my bag, and then in the one of those little compartments in my car. But I did, and here it is:


And since it's probably hard to read, I'll retype it:

God Says Yes To Me by Kaylin Haught

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I am telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

I'm glad I kept that typed down scrap. I'm glad I found it and glad I saved it. And now I'm passing it on to you.