Thursday, August 21, 2008

Fun With Houses

So the house painters are scraping and sanding and doing what they do which includes pressure washing. And I am doing what I do which is... well not a hell of a lot really... driving around, making lunch, pretending to do laundry, unsticking gum from the GFYO's hair, the usual. One thing I did not do, however, was close any of the windows in the house. Do the math on that one.

I'm used to these minor messy setbacks because I lived for a good six months with no back wall to the house. Once I got over the whole freezing to death part, the lack of the back was quite useful: I never had to the open the door for any of the worker people who were coming and going for the better part of every day. This was especially handy since I had a new baby at the same time who was rather fond of my (cough) bosom so I pretty much sat on my ass and flashed waved at the workers from my perch.

A new set of workers arrived one day. I had never seen them before, but no matter, I still waved and let them walk through the "wall" so they could get busy. Who knows what they were doing and who cared anyway: a good day on a construction site is a day that someone shows up. Am I right? Right.

I noticed their vehicles parked in front my house -- one was your standard white box truck and the other was a very, very colorful kind of bitchin' camaro. I couldn't see either that well as I was still very busy sitting on my ass waving (no wonder the GFYO is so G). This construction job had gone on far, far too long, at a great expense to my neighbors who had to suffer through the noise and the traffic, so as long as the vehicles weren't parked on their lawns, I figured everything was ship shape.

If I squinted my eyes, I could see that the colorful, colorful car was in fact painted, like fancy painted, like mural painted. And I thought, how cute! how creative! And had visions of something like this:



or this:



But noooooooo! B came running over all wild-eyed and frantic and asking, "mama! what are those ladies doing on that man's car?" And "those ladies" on that "art" car? Why, those ladies were mostly nekkid and all grown up and doing x-rated sexy times on the hood of the car.

The car that was parked in front of my house.

The neighbors were so, so happy.

16commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...

Meredith said...

I want someone to paint flowers on my car! It might just hide the dirt. My son was shocked to hear that indeed, the official color of it is 'charcoal gray'...and here he thought it was just plain black.

Yes, it's a great day on a construction site when they actually show up. Around here, that's all it takes and the job is yours.

Carolyn...Online said...

Sex Ed via the construction guy's bitchin' Camero. Totally dig it.

cIII said...

Sorry Mrs. P.
I'll move my ride directly.

Momo Fali said...

See? I like you because you're classy, just like me.

unmitigated me said...

Dave Barry used to write abut tying a string around bundles of cash to lure the contractor to your house. If only he'd been nursing at the time, they could have avoided that. Maybe they were hoping for a peep?

Kristin @ Going Country said...

That musta been some sweet ride. So what did you tell the kids?

P.S. The timing of this is funny, because the guy who's building us a new cellar door just pulled in. Know how long he's been working on that door? NINE MONTHS. It's a door, for Christ's sweet sake--it's not the Sistine Chapel! Oh well, at least he's here.

for a different kind of girl said...

That sounds like cool (lame) ride! Who does that kind of thing?! Get it in a tattoo and move on, but don't slap it on your vehicle!

Jen W said...

Now THAT is hilarious. It kinda makes me wish I was your neighbor!

Susan said...

Oooohh sexy!! Did it have hydraulics so it could pump up and down suggestively while Flo Rida thumped in the background?

Anonymous said...

oh man, if you ask me, that is a slap to any Small Town-Prada-Lady.
They can take their judgment and put it right up the %$# of those "art" ladies.
Just kidding - isn't this Small Town?
I have to reconsider my move, I thought it was a "restricted" area.

Love it.

Anonymous said...

Yowzers. Why can't I have neighbors like you? Seriously, it's boring as hell in these parts.

Heather said...

I needed that. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Oh no WAY! I want to move to your neighborhood.

Meg said...

They don't even let us put our garbage cans on the street in my Godforsaken suburb. I'd pay to have that dude park in front of my house.

btw, couldn't help but notice ciii called you Mrs.

Lipstick Jungle said...

I cannot imagine that your local law enforcement didn't hang out at your roost - were they smokin anything funny whilst driving their smut mobiles? I imagine snokey long haired tatooed rockers (equally, they could be hippies) pouring out of said vehicles.

I left our windows open the day our sprinkler system was installed at our old house - you know, the day they are aiming water IN your windows?

Unknown said...

Hey, who needs a back wall? And builders like being flashed at. I'm sure it makes them put in more effort.