In my quest to become an intellectual master of the universe, I tivo'd every episode of The Baby Borrowers. But it was my desire to beat my kids from telling me what happens at 8 in the morning (because the Three Short Drunk People have mastered the tivo and the toaster) that made me watch the last episode in real time.
They need to make this show required viewing up north of me (in Gloucester) and really, pretty much everywhere. Some so-called grownups should watch this thing too, like every day or while copulating. In fact, it should be slipped into a porn box and delivered to anyone considering having a baby.
SPOILER (like you care): every single one of the teen couples split up at the end of the "experiment."
Um.... DUH!
Because having a baby and a toddler and a tweener and a teenager and an aging parent living with you (not even all at once!) is truly a buzz kill to romance. And also no one ever marries their high school sweet heart -- well, besides me and my two best friends. (Actually, he and me weren't really officially dating in high school but still.) Normally, that shit DOES NOT WORK OUT.
(I am pretty sure our Awesome Babysitter is currently all DeNiro -- you talkin' to me -- and she would be right. Right as rain. On a rainy day. Right as... dude, come over and watch this fucking classy show with my three lousy, dirty kids. For FREE. At dinner time. When one has the stomach flu.) (PS: Please come back. Soon. Please?)
And then while trolling the internet (for like the first time ever), I come across this craziness
in which the Canadian Duggars say what folks like them normally say, "we just let God guide our lives because we strongly believe life comes from God" to which I wish to say, no, dear sweet well meaning people: it was not God who guided you. It was the great guidance of a penis into a vagina that made these 18 kids. I mean, I'm no expert and open to almost everything and I get the whole miracle of the thing, but I am pretty sure God is thinking more about pollution and wars and how to feed all the hungry children of the world. At least I hope so.
Obviously these amazing Canadian Romanians do not need The Baby Borrowers. I am pretty sure those two are in it for the long haul. And yo! That's kinda awesome and cool and no matter where they think the 18 babies came from, I am really hoping the mama starts a blog. Because that would be some good ass shit beautiful.
So anyhoo, back to the teevee. Clearly The Baby Borrowers is no Frontline or HBO documentary and I have seriously no idea if anyone else was watching it besides me, The Kid and the Drunk People, but I'm glad we did. None of my kids even know where babies come from, but I hope this wee primetime afterschool special makes a difference to someone (Awesome Babysitter).
It's been almost 9 years since baby number one and 14 years since I gave The Kid the chain to my ball, and right now, he is snoozing and probably dreaming about doing bong hits in college. My point being: he is not currently doing bong hits or wishing to scope out the local skate park. He had five good years of heaven on earth marriage to me before B moved in, but it still took him (and me) some time to get used to it.
Raising babies is hard ass work for everyone even kinda grown-ups, even the Romanian Canadians I bet. Even you.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Baby Borrowing
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19commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
A to the M-E-N, Sister! Though I wouldn't trade it. And I married my high school sweetheart, sort of. We started dating when he was a senior and I was away at college.
The Lord loves a cradle robber.
(and then she went, sadly, to hell)
Ha, I was in the city with my NKIDWIW (no kids I do what I want) friends. They kept saying things like, "so you have to take them, like, everywhere" and explain that "no kids don't do well when the beverage choice is Iced Tea or vodka."
I'd probably want to shoot myself with that many kids. And seriously, maybe they did have a some sort of gift from God, because when did they find time to have sex after the first 3?
Despite her pained smile, that woman's eyes look dead. Of course, after 18 kids, I would be dead entirely, so I guess she's doing pretty well.
The Duggars...sigh...all I can think when I see that woman is she must be carrying her uterus around in a sling after that many kids.
When we finished watching it last night
(which I loved the old people by the way - I think it was the perfect thing for the kids to have someone to talk - the old folks they love to give advice and those kids were eating it up)
Anywhoo.. as it was ending and all the kids admitted they weren't ready to get married and have babies I made the comment that I bet the network was getting flooded with calls from parents wanting to sign their teenagers up ... then they showed the part where all the couples have since broken up... and my husband laughed and "right now this very minute the network switchboard is crashing"
18 kids!!?? Someone should tell Mrs. Canadian Romanian that that thing "down South", it is a Vagina. Not a Clown Car. Still though, kudos are in order. Raising kids is hard fucking work. If you do it right.
oh man--all my husband has to say after seeing people with that many kids is that he would definitely not want to be having sex with that B.O.B ....ahem (blown out beaver).
And, yes, that classiness is all mine ladies....
"It was the great guidance of a penis into a vagina that made these 18 kids." Frickin' A genius!
Canadians - gotta love 'em. Maybe they got to many ideas from fingering them donut holes at Tim Horton's.
I dont know how I found you - it was I am sure a comment on a comment on a comment on a blog I visit often enough that I click to read more about the commenter only to get bored with more inane discussion about how wonderful parenting is, and how great life is. Why do I ramble mindlessly?? Because you have to be one of the realest people I have met so far! Now granted, I usually only post about the good and funny things, but in secret I wonder what I was thinking when I filled out this job application... d'oh!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the "Three Short Drunk People" - if only I could have been that creative! And your Home Management Systems. I was laughing so hard last night that I enticed the interest of hub and the kids. Of course I couldnt ruin it by sharing - I am keeping this nonsense all to myself! Thank you for being so real, and honest, and damn funny!!!!!
Oh,oh,and y-a-h about 18 kids - um, God is good and all, but he is up there saying, whoa nelly, you need some sleep and a condom! I guess they were the original subjects of the book "Just Do It" (you know, that one about having sex for 101 days straight - um yeah...zzzzz).
Anyway, thanks for the good times!
Wait... are you talkin to me?
haha just kidding! YA I GET IT! even though your kids are frekin sweeet and all, i totally am not ready to watch any children without being paid for longer than like 2 hours.
Also I'm going to take it as not just an advisory but as you don't want me to have babies until the GFYO is in high school and in that case, I love you too.
BTW, the Romanian lady with the 18 kids - she's 42!!! No f*ing lie. She looks 65! I guess that's what having 18 kids does to you. I have three and I'm on my way to that look.
Stephanie, I am horrified. That woman CANNOT be 42. I AM 42. She could be my MOTHER!
Funny, funny post today, Picket. Younger is totally obsessed with the Duggars. As she's watching those shows I sometimes find myself standing in the middle of the room staring, horrified, at the TV. And thinking, "Thank God I am not a religious loon." (Sorry. But it's true.)
Oh, and you're in my post today!
Now THAT is funny about them all breaking up! Who saw them coming? Um...everyone! Except maybe the producers.
I reckon she might have some hurricane force winds in that vagina.
Looking at the pictures again, anyone wondering where the two blondes came from? Maybe the little woman has some splain'in to do!
Anybody with that many kids and that convoluted a life deserves their own nomenclature -- Canadiaromanians. It's like an entirely new biological classification.
Unfortunately, since the Romainian Canadians live in Canada, no one is offering them their own reality TV show or even some primetime specials... I wonder how they support all of those kids?!
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