Since I like to sleep, especially in the mornings, the Three Short Drunk People were taught early on how to fill a bowl with cereal, pour milk, toast waffles, fend for selves. The process is known as the "pre-breakfast": the "official" breakfast begins at around 8 or 8:30 when I repeat the filling, pouring, toasting regimen because (frankly) those dudes like to see me work.
I can deal with this routine because I figure they are learning something about independence (if only for the 90 minutes before I begin my indentured servitude) and that's important to me. It might mean that come some wonderful day, they will not only be able to put their shoes away in the bins so lovingly provided them but also be able to retrieve them without one "where are my shoes?" lament. They might realize that an itchy butt hole is a problem they can remedy themselves and not one requiring a lengthy and loud report to anyone in earshot. So I figure the pre-breakfast free-for-all has it benefits.
Still, there are limits to my laziness parenting strategies to engender self-empowerment, most of which I have learned through trial and error. For instance, letting the GFYO "mop" the playroom can lead to massive water damage so I've scratched that from the list. I'm all for allowing the girls to express themselves through their clothing choices, but I have learned to check that panties are included in the ensemble. And despite the environmental and help-yourself upsides to powdered lemonades, this
will never be allowed in my home again.
The tiny crystals have literally covered my house like volcanic ash. On the floors and the counters and the couches and the rugs, the sugar shit is not helping with the ant problem or my general mental health and I am quite sure the only thing it is teaching the Three Short Drunk People is how to make their mother all kinds of crazy. I am permanently sticking to things, even my flip flops won't flop, and honestly, I would prefer gritty clingy sand everywhere.
Is it so frickin' hard to spoon some powder into a cup without flinging it all over the place? Is it so hard to stir in the water without dousing every surface in sickly sweet "juice"? Sometimes I think the Three Short Drunk People might actually be drunk.
So screw self-reliance and screw lemonade; they'll get water and they'll like it. And they'll get it for their own damn selves.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Making Lemons Out Of Lemonade
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14commentsBrilliant Person Wrote...
I am soooooo feeling you right now. My kitchen looks like a white, sandy, beach. A white, sandy, beach with a hint of Lemon. And how in the name of Zues's butthole did it get in MY hair. And in stove burners. Now there is a smell we can all enjoy. So I'm with you. Water only. And here's a wedge of lemon. mmmmmmmm.
I think those containers come with a small explosive device that engages when the lid comes off.
Freezies are also equipped with microscopic warmers along the bottom edge that also has tiny perforations. That is the only way to explain the millions of cherry and orange drips from one end of the house to the other.
It's not bad enough that it's a mess. It's the ant part that would have them sent away to military school or something. I can't stand when I stick to the floor.
Ah yes, the powdered drinks. My nemesis is sippy cups. I can never keep track of how many we have (or how many we've lost) and then on the rare occasion that I do a deep cleaning of my house, I randomly come accross one and it typically has been sitting there for a few weeks- and you know it's filled with milk. Which then sets off my gag reflex as I try to clean it out and then I just give up and throw it away.
We don't do much with powdered drinks, I guess I was always to lazy, now I'm kind of glad. I am totally all about self sufficiency though. Like you, I end up doing the most but when someone makes there own breakfast or lunch it can make my whole day.
My M-I-L has the same problem with the salt shaker.
I was thinking of tying a dustbuster around her neck. Maybe you could try that.
Kids are exactly like short drunk people. And I'm like a big drunk person. That's what we have in common. And that's about it.
I'm so glad my post connected with you. I was looking for an address to email you personally but it's not there or I'm blind.
I have two VERY short drunk people in my house. Can't wait 'til they can make their own pre-breakfast. CAN'T freakin' WAIT!
I am impressed that your monkies attempt breakfast.
Powdered sugar, that is disguised as lemonade is surely a dangerous household item that should be outlawed.
Train them often, train them early. MY seven year old son likes to make us all peanut butter and jelly english muffins in the toaster oven, he takes quite a bit of pride in it.
He also unloads the dishwasher and loads, empties the hampers an puts his own clothes away, and more. I'm a slave driver but some woman down the line is going to be kissing her mother-in-laws ass for teaching her husband that everyone chips in. Either that or he will be like Felix fron the Odd Couple.
Ha! this is the same reason I don't let my kids help mix the pancake batter, on those rare weekends I get motivated to make pancakes.
OK, I know i've been on vacation, but you changed your picture, no?
The song, "The Ants Go Marching One By One Hurrah, Hurrah" is playing in my head.
Mrampf...laughter...breathing...Once my son stood all dressed up and ready to go in the middle of the kitchen, smiled a doe eyed 2 year old smile, and dumped an entire bottle of vegetable oil on his head. It took 3 weeks to get it all up.
Ewwww, ants and sticky stuff. Maybe you need to teach your older kids the virtues of mopping.
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